Chase Armstrong, National Director for Reintroduced Species and Special Advisor to the President, was called in to investigate reports of the consumption of several campers in the Sioux Charley Lake area of Montana by one of the Tyrannosaurs recently introduced into the region by the returning — some say invading — Kra.
Locals are calling the place Tyrannosaur Valley because of the many sightings of the huge carnivore, and the growing number of unexplained disappearances of hikers, campers, hunters and trout fishermen.
Long a favorite recreational area, since the reintroduction of T rex, the area is less well known as a trout creel heaven and more a place to keep a lookout behind you for the stealthy approach of the ten-ton carnivore. The beasts reputedly move with none of the tree-toppling uproar of their Hollywood image. Instead, they are remarkably light on their feet, silent stalkers until the moment they bellow loudly enough to split a tree, as attested by those who heard and lived to tell. Then comes a charge that shakes the ground like a semi truck is on the move.
Of course, by the time you’ve tuned into the noise of the charge, you might as well “bend over and kiss it goodbye,” says Dr. David Ogilvey of the nearby Institute for Dinosaur Studies.
“Tyrannosaurs didn’t get to be the top predator in the ultimate big game hunt of Cretaceous times by being big, galumphing idiots. Hardly. As we see now in their new incarnation, they’re incredibly fine-tuned, crafty and quick creatures, with hawk-like, intense eyes. Yet they’re sized to be capable of taking down big three-horned herbivores, immense stampeding duckbills or thunderous long-necked titanosaurs with exemplary swiftness. Small wonder that humans at Sioux Charley Lake seem like tender and easily subdued junk food to a T rex. The campground at Indian Charley Lake has become a sort of local convenience store for T rexes to stop by for a quick snack.”
Chase Armstrong was not available for comment until one reporter caught up with him in the field at Tyrannosaur Valley, where he was preparing one more in a lengthening series of fatality reports. In response to queries regarding his agency’s plans to avoid future tragedies he said, “People have got to understand a tyrannosaur is a tyrannosaur. You can’t tell them what to eat. Every now and then, it’s going to be a human. I feel very sorry for the families of the victims but at the same time, keep in mind that we humans have caused a lot of death and extinction in this world. So maybe what goes around comes around.”
Asked if he was expressing a new policy for the Administration, Mr. Armstrong said, “Not really. There has always been an understanding that big predators like grizzly bears in the Yellowstone area would occasionally take down humans. We’ve just got the same problem on a larger scale with T rex. Right now we’re developing a risk management plan but I can tell you, the simplest thing to do is avoid areas where T rexes congregate, like Tyrannosaur Valley. There are other good fishing spots without the risk of being bitten by anything bigger than a mosquito.”
