Mars Rovers Attack!

Earthlings everywhere were horrified today to learn that gigantic machines from Mars have landed on our planet and begun a war of conquest. After decades of one-sided spacecraft invasion from Earth to Mars, the otherwise peaceful, but very tiny residents of the Red Planet have retaliated with a fleet of stupendous six-wheeled machines, which have landed on every continent and engaged the armed forces of an unprepared world. The outcome is still very much in doubt.

The photo above, taken by a news correspondent in Pecos, Texas, shows one of the towering machines engaging a tank troop from nearby Fort Bliss. Needless to say, the action went poorly for the humans. Opening up with laser blasts from its eyes, the machine devastated its opposition and went on to roll over the news photographer. A mechanical voice from the charging machine challenged, “Let’s see how you like getting run over like you have done to us for years!”

The Pentagon, the President, and an elite group of planetary scientists issued the following statement: “We deeply regret the loss of life. We have established a committee to protest to the Martians, if we can find them.”

Martians, it turns out, are human shaped but about the size of bacteria. Our robotic rovers, moving about on their planet, have caused havoc on a scale only imaginable if one is 1/60,000th of an inch tall. Whole Martian cities have been annihilated under the six rolling wheels of our planetary rovers. The Martians attempted to retaliate with their minuscule thermonuclear devices, which hardly slowed the march of our machines across their homes and cities. 7,219 Martian nations have banded together to create these immense machines and launch them to earth.

A radioed statement was received from a group calling itself the United Nations of Gree-wah-noo-noo, just as the first landers dropped onto their terrestrial landing ellipses. It translates, “Take that, you big meanies!”